Authenticity = Freedom
Can we take a moment and imagine a world where everyone permits himself/herself to be true to who they are, where there is no need to put some mask or be denied an opportunity of full self-expression. In light of changing the negative narrative around men, Authentic Manhood should be a goal and an ideal for every parent having a boy child under their care
I don’t know about you but just the sound of ‘Authentic Manhood’ brings a feel-good feeling. It gives me a picture of a free happy man who does not owe the world an image of who he is not. Free from societal expectations and pressures. Without any need to put a brave face mask while deep within is shaking in terror.
It gives me a picture of a man who is comfortable in his skin, honest about his shortcomings as he strives to get better, a man with no issue of being vulnerable, a man who can say I am scared, I’m sad, I failed without a pinch to his manhood
Authenticity is a beautiful and admirable thing. Everyone desires to experience the beauty, satisfaction and the peace that comes with being authentic. The question is why is humanity struggling with what should be natural? What makes it so difficult? Why is authenticity not normalized? Who sold us the idea that being fake is cool?
Maybe I should have started by defining Authenticity. – I loved the dictionary meaning – the Quality of Being Real or True. The keyword there being the Quality.
When we talk about grooming boys to be authentic men, we should be aware that the first and the best starting point is Modeling authenticity. The best form of teaching is modeling.
So question to the groomers and nurturers, How Authentic are you? best put How Big is the Gap Between your Reputation and your Truth?
Parents and caretakers should genuinely answer this question and begin to make necessary adjustments with the consciousness of the fact that they gonna produce after their kind. An orange will not grow from an apple tree, Authenticity will breed authenticity and the opposite thereof.
Good News: Your current should not be your permanent. With some diligent work on self, everyone can and should free themselves from the need to build a Reputation that is contrary to their Truth.
How to Groom Authentic Boys
These tips can still be applied in grooming a girl child & yes adults are not excluded.
1. Self Awareness
We always coach our kids to be fully aware of their surroundings as they walk around as a safety
measure. I think its time we take it from the external to the internal. We need to continually coach them to be aware of their within. We need to encourage them to pay attention to themselves with curiosity and interest. 
It has to start by making them aware that they are different and they don’t have to be like any other person. In fact, they owe it to themselves and to humanity to be themselves and the best they can be. For those that can write, wouldn’t it be great for them to have a journal?, where they can note things they daily discover about themselves? Journaling will help them draw patterns that repeat themselves
As we go through life, circumstances and situations daily give us a revelation of who we are. How we react, respond, and handle situations. We turn to understand our strengths and weaknesses physically, mentally, and emotionally.
To make it interesting you can embark on this journey with your little one, journal daily, and sit together at the end of the week to discuss your discoveries about self for that week. The two of you can determine the duration of the journey but do it until you both are basking in the glory of being aware of Who you really are.
As a parent you have been with this person from the very first second they arrived, You are loaded with helpful insight that can share light on their journey of self-awareness.
Share the insight in context of your weekly discussions but do not impose anything, it is important that they personally discover, what makes them who they are. If it is personal discovery, it will be easily accepted.
2. Self-acceptance
The next best step to authentic self is to accept your discoveries as your truth. Some will be good, you will want to stand on top of the mountain and announce them to everyone but some will make you want to hide in the darkest corner for as long as you can. They are both your truth embrace them. Do not hide the negatives especially if you see them that way yourself.
Make your kiddo aware that they have the keys to change what they don’t like and continually polish what they appreciate.
WARN THEM that the worst mistake they can do is to coat or cover their shortcomings and pretend they don’t exist and put on a different face that gives an opposite impression. The Bridge between the reputation and the truth should be narrowed as much as its possible.
3. Self Love
Self-love is the ultimate. Teach him to fall in love with self, to admire self, to pamper and affirm self, to be one’s greatest fan. Make them aware that they can never truly love or embrace love unless they love themselves. Make the child aware of his internal voice, that he must ensure that it serves him well, and encourage him to share with you where he is struggling with any form of negative self-talk. Together create an affirmation around this. Share with him your struggles too,
and how you are addressing them. In different creative ways model and make loving self the coolest thing to do.
If they are aware of who they are, they have accepted themselves and they love loving themselves then they are ready to unapologetically face the world.
4. Create an Authentic Home Environment
In this kind of environment, we fully embrace differences and address them respectfully if needs be, we encourage expression of opinions and emotions respectfully, we love them the way they are and model authenticity
Enemies of Authenticity
Competition & Comparisons
It has been said over and over again, the best you can be is being you, that you should strive not to compete with anybody but to continually work towards being a better version of yourself. It is in the nature of every boy child to compete. As parents, we should make sure that the competitive spirit ends at the sports ground but does not touch the core of who he is as a person.
We must continually affirm them that they are enough and they are running their own race in their own lane, and it should be at their pace, without any form of external pressure.
People’s Opinions
As they grow they will begin to see that different people will always have different opinions about issues. We must teach our kids to filter through these opinions until they arrive at the opinion that sits well with them and when they do ,stand confidently on it.
The best and safe place to practice this is at home. We must endeavor to create an environment where the kids can safely and freely express their opinions and we must be open to hear them out and respond in a way that will not shut them down.
Societal Expectations
From the womb, we come free-spirited, ready to be all that the creator has created us to be, without any form of limits. Then we enter the world that slowly but surely put us within some borders. The minute you tread on the set borders you get ostracized.
It is our responsibility to make our kids aware of such, teach them to be part of the community that does not swallow their individualism.
Make them aware that social norms are necessary to provide social order but should not cost one his uniqueness.
Final Thoughts
Truth be told the sight of Authentic Manhood is beautiful to behold. But we can never have authentic men if we do not groom boys to be authentic. If we don’t teach them, if we don’t model it and make efforts to grow with them in this area.
Authenticity will be compensated by confidence, happiness, freedom, good relationships, and more. These are what most people go helter-skelter looking for, while the secret is in truly being yourself.
Let’s face it, even when we do our purchases the most common question is, is this genuine?, is this original? There is a deep yearning within each of us to own the original and to relate with the authentic. We have to remember that we have to start by being one and grooming others to multiply our like. Perhaps as parents this is the best gift, we can gift humanity – Authentic Men.
Recommended Resources
Hello there, Thanks for sharing this awesome article It will be of great help to everyone that come across it,as it has been of help to me. To be Authentic means one needs to be genuine or to be real, For me, to be an authentic man one has to be totally genuine to himself and others(everyone around you) This is not very easy to achieve but can be attained if the child is well trained from a young age.
Thank you Ismeglamour
I concur, its not easy but can be done.
Thank you for your post. it is useful for me. I have a teenage boy. How to groom him to be an authentic body is very important to me. I think about this for a while now, but never take time to do research on this.
Here comes your article, which has all info on this topic. I particularly like your description on how to groom authentic boys. There are so many skills, such as self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love, and create an authentic home environment. I agree with you that we need to create an environment, where we love them the way they are and model authenticity.
Hey Anthony
Thank you for your feedback.
Lets do this- Love them unconditionally and model authenticity.
What a great article addressing the importance to support your son(s) as they grow into adulthood. Being a friend and a coach to your son is extremely important. Be a person that they look up, is one of the keys to help your little one to become authentic. Show your sides to them, both positive and negative, and be honest of your feelings and that it is ok to show them to others.
Your list of the enemies to authenticity is spot on in my opinion. They describe the most difficult factors to overcome as your kid grows up. Competition and comparison, People´s opinion and Societal Expectations are being thrown at our young ones. Being there and constantly trying to help your young one navigate in this, in a subtle manner, is a continuous process.
I have two boys myself, one is 21 and the other one is 19. There has been a rollercoaster of a ride growing up. I have seen how easily they are impacted by other people´s opinions, and how difficult it is to really be yourself and who you really are.
-Roy-
Thank you Roy for checking in.
I like what you said’ show your negative and positive sides to them, and being honest with your feelings ‘. That on its own is a very impactful lesson to them.
I enjoyed learning about tips to being your most authentic self. Self awareness can be very difficult for some people, because they have to face themselves and learn who they truly are: good and bad. I think this can be very difficult for some people to accept themselves for who they are. The enemies of authenticity section was interesting. I was unaware that so many things can prevent people from being their true self. Sadly, society has expectations encouraging certain behaviors and character traits. This causes people to lie about themselves to try to make it seem like they fit in with the standard. As a result, they aren’t being themselves and are usually unhappy with who they really are. Thanks for reminding me of this.
Pleasure Lex. I agree with you self awareness is not for babies because it forces you to confront your dark side, but if you allow yourself to go through the process you will be greatly rewarded with freedom without limits.
I really enjoyed reading this post. While it certainly is important for growing boys, this advice really feels like it can apply to anyone of all ages. I don’t have any children, I’m too young to be a parent, but I feel like I’ve learned for this post. Being authentic without fear is something we should all strive for.
Thank you Gladeno for stopping by
I am glad that you enjoyed the article and you are still young , endeavor to be fully authentic at all times.
I am sincerely grateful for this website. Most parents I know don’t have this kind of information and it has affected them in the process of raising morally sound children. If we can train male folks right from early times in their lives, then I believe most societal challenges will become easier to handle. Thanks a lot for your effort
Hey Lucas
Thank you for stopping by.
Im glad you found it helpful, lets spread the good news.
Hi,
Thank you for sharing. It is a great article. In my city, it is really difficult to achieve authenticity. Sometimes, I’m really tired to put on a mask. I’m really want to be true to who I am. I totally agree with you that we should groom little boys to be authentic men. It is actually very important for everybody.
All the best,
Alex
Thanks for sharing this amazing and very educative article, it’s been a while I read a very sensitive and benefiting post like this and it is very good that you’ve taken out the time to make this as good as you can. It’s good to groom our boys to b3 good men, it’ll ensure a brighter future for them and us too.
It is ultimately the duty of all parents to train and bring up their kids in a way that he or she is going to do good for the society and for himself. It definitely shows in the lifestyle of a well groomed young man that he has been well brought up and he opened his heart to learn. This article will direct parents to the appropriate ways of grooming authentic manhood.
Hello, thank you for this insightful article. Not for myself, but what would you recommend to work on this,maybe the books that you mentioned? I have a teenage brother who is really insecure about his manhood and I would love to help him with that! So thanks for pointing me in the right direction.
Hey Lizzy
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy
For your little brother , i think the best solution is for you to model it and help him see that it is the best choice he can ever make and of course then get him the relevant books to read. There are a lot of books and audio books about authenticity on SCRIBD. You can use this link (https://bit.ly/2Ey8Bsa) to sign up and read 30 days for free.
This was an interesting read. There are so many factors that make a man to act in a way that is not authentic. I understand that deep beneath every person wants to be authentic but there is pressure from outside to shape him in a direction he doesn’t want. Not all these pressures are bad but most of them are.
Hey Henry
Thank you for stopping by
Lets keep striving for authenticity, otherwise you can only be the best version of yourself.
Thank you for sharilng this very timely and educational article. We currently live in world of many conflicting influences and this has a major influence on how our youth grow and learn to be upstanding adults who can contribute to society in a positive way. It is great to have these fine guidelines to answer difficult questions and lead parents in a direction to bring their sons to mature and successful adults.
Thank you Moonmount
If I can just get few people especially young men to believe in their authenticity, I would have accomplished my mission.
Thanks for a good summary of what is needed for authenticity to be the foundation when boys grow to men. It seems to me that you have covered everything. I dare to say that all these principles could also be applied for girls growing into women. Of all these principles you have discussed, I think self love needs to be engrained the most. Youngsters tend to follow the peer groups and even the examples of adults without asking “Is this good for me if I love myself?” Thanks for a good article.
Hey JJ
Thank you for stopping by the Incredible Boy
We are in the business of grooming boys to be incredible good men. I fully agree self love is the foundation and should be emphasized as our boys grow.
Hey there, thanks for this superb and precise article, the female child have been the focus for a long while, this has caused a neglect in the male child and the manhood stream, most males now question their existence and place in the society, there are less NGOs dedicated to empowering and educating males unlike the female counterparts, with articles like this, the inferiority complex in males would dwindle. Authenticity starts with the mind, we should invest in grooming it alot, it pays off, trust me.
Could you suggest some books for men to read as regards this topic? Thanks.
Hey Tosin
Thank you stopping by The Incredible Boy. We are all about raising boys to be Incredible Men. I agree with you that a girl child has been a focus for long/ Check my review on Scribd @ http://theincredibleboy.com/s…
there are alot of books on authenticity there.
Hey, first of all, Im really grateful to read this informative article. I agree with you “Self-love is the ultimate” probably it. If you going to do anything love yourself. I’ll share this article with my friends because of Im a growing adult. Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing
Hey Don
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy
Glad you found value. Authentic Men is what this generation lack and need most.
Thank you for sharing the article
This has been a very helpful article on how to groom boys to become authentic men. I agree that it is best to create an environment where they feel loved and can be themselves. There is so much pressure these days from society to perform, that one can loose sight of important aspects such as self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love. Always be true to yourself.
hey Line
I appreciate the time that you took to stop by The Incredible Boy.
I am glad you found value on grroming boys to be authentic men.
Wow, How true is this! Thank you Bokgadi, for an in-depth article. This is a challenge for many boys and for some men continues to be a great challenge still today. What we have learned as boys have impacted us and in today’s world when you try to be yourself the past methods still continue to plague your newly found Authenticity. Some women, still expect you to be the man that society has been painting and when you are true to your new reality it is seen as weakness.
Your article invites us to embrace our Authenticity no matter what the challenges are. I do hope that our younger brothers can do better.
Thank you once more.
Ntlhane
Hello Ntlhane
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy
This is a sad reality
It looks like being authentic is a far fetched concept in our generation.
My challenge to parents is, its upon us to change this narration by encouraging authenticity from childhood.
Thanks for this great article, I agree with everything, I also strongly believe that one of the main reason why most men are not real is because of the media influence. Most of the time men are judged when they do not conform to the standard of the celebrities in movies or social media. I also agree with you that men needs to learn that the only competition they have in life is themselves, if they do they will stop the comparison and be real authentic men.
Hey Nedia
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy and for engaging me on Authentic Manhood – Grooming Boys to be Authentic Men
I fully agree that men should stop trying to adhere to external standards but to try to compete with themselves and get better daily.
As a father raising two sons, I really liked the idea of authentic men. I loved the whole article and I think I can add a few more ideas to support such an education.
I will attach this to ideas and I will also upgrade in educating my children.
The pictures did not so much support the idea. I felt it was possible to find more pictures from companies for authenticity and educating children in general.
The site feels comfortable to read, I have not encountered any technical problems and feel that the writer knows what he is talking about.
Maybe I would like more links that I could deepen if I wanted to laterBeautifully written
Thanks
Hey DGS
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy and engaging me on Grooming Boys to be authentic boys.
I am glad you found value that will influence how you groom your boys. They are blessed to have a father who is ready to empower himself to raise them better.
I will look into the pictures. Thank you
Very interesting topic and I tend to agree that we need to raise our children to be authentic to who they are. We have always encouraged our children to be themselves and follow their passions. We have raised five very wonderful, very different humans to adulthood. Four of them were boys and are each following their own path in life. We are certainly proud of each of them. Our daughter is raising her children to be their authentic selves. At Christmas, we make toasts during dinner (adults with wine, children with juice) and our grandson’s (6-years-old) toast was “Here’s to family weirdness.” I thought it brilliantly displayed how he accepts individuality and that it is cool to be different. We encourage them all to be themselves and have never compared one to another. I personally love how very different they all are when encouraged to be themselves.
Hey Rick. It sounds like you did a great job as a parent on this subject of authenticity.. I like your grandson toast also.
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible boy.
Everything you say is very true and for the most part, I did this for my son. He is now 21 and I think he is turning into an authentic man. I don’t just say this because I am a mom, but from comments and observation. Of course I can’t take all the credit. He did highly competitive sports for 13 years and his coaches taught him a lot.
What a great content you just delivered. I am so glad to come across this, I was still discussing at a forum yesterday about being unique and being you do you without being ashamed. Freedom is key to leaving a life void of condemnation and the earlier we work on being real the better life we would live. Thanks once again I’m blessed.