We live in a needy world, we live in a hungry world. Our world desires and craves good men. It is obvious that something need to change. The caliber of men in general, in this generation is appalling. (kudos to the few that are beacons of hope that it is possible for men and good to be mentioned in the same sentence)
The first big question is why?Are our men cursed or doomed to mediocrity, cruelty,confusion,violence,aggression.self centeredness, lies, self entitlement?
The second big question is, who raised these men?. They did not emerge from
nowhere. They were groomed and nurtured by someone.
The third big question is, what can we do differently? How can we change this narrative?
Intention is key
‘Our intentions, creates our reality’ Wayne Dyer
Nothing ever happens without clear, set out intention. This principle should also apply in parenting, more especially parenting boys. The greatest challenge facing parenting today is over scheduled and overwhelmed parents and because of these challenges most,parent without set out clear intentions.
Intention sets us in motion to take action towards an intended direction
in the absence of clear set out intentions parenting turns to be lowered to meeting very basic needs i.e Food, shelter, clothes etc.
An understanding that our boys, will not always be boys, but are growing up to form the next generation of men, should encourage us to ensure that , we raise them to be good men.
Defining good men.
I don’t think that we are asking for anything beyond the ordinary. We are not asking for perfect men, or angels. We are asking for men with basic human traits that will make sharing planet earth with the male gender a safe and pleasant abode.
Men that are gentle, loving , caring,confident,responsible, reliable, considerate, disciplined, understanding, patient, empathetic,and compassionate just to name the few.
These are some of the basics, that will quench the thirst our generation have for good men. These are the kind of fathers, brothers, uncles, partners, neighbors,leaders humanity yearns for.
Men who will heal, comfort, protect and love generously. The yearning is for selfless authentic men, who mean and do what they say. Men of unquestionable integrity.
Where do we start?
We are products of our environment & the effects of our childhood get fully played out during our adult years. I believe that the home remains the major contributor to the adult we become.
Creating a nurturing, positive environment should be one of our clear set out intention as parents.
Most traits we are currently witnessing in men in our generation can be directly linked to their home and societal environments.The unfortunate part is that no parent intentionally plan to raise a child in a toxic environment or consciously create an environment that will probably,negatively affect their children’s adulthood.But lack of intention & consciousness in creating a nurturing environment with adulthood in mind is a challenge. We turn to forget that they will not always be boys but sooner than we expect, a boy standing before us will be a man. If we don’t intentionally create a positive nurturing environment, a negative mediocre environment will set in by default.
Intentional parents have a clear picture of the man they are grooming & they consciously model those traits before him daily. They know the values they want to instill and they work at that every day. They know the beliefs that they want to deeply engrave and they deliberately align their attitudes,conversations and actions. Intentional parents equally know the beliefs that they don’t want their child to have and they are mindfully at work everyday building a man , and positioning him for the future ahead.
So the home environment should be set in such a way that it will not only enhance or meet the basic human needs, it should equally be set with intention to build the mental,emotional capacities. It should be set to encourage and enhance good communication skills. It should be a deliberate act to teach relational skills at home. There is no better place to learn and know your self-worth than home. Home is a place to learn confidence, The world outside is an exam but home is a classroom .
It takes an intentional teacher with clearly set out learning objectives to deliver on this.
Home is the right and relevant institution to learn all life skills needed for the future. Parents should be conscious and intentional about the graduates, they will raise from their different institutions.
Being aware of the current challenges.
For us to raise good men, we should know what makes a good man and equally know what makes a bad man, so that we can fully comprehend the force we are coming up against,We endeavor to change the caliber of men, not by trying to mend an already broken person but by grooming and building those that are still pliable.
The most common dark forces that brings humanity(especially women and children )to it’s knees to travail,with the yearning for good and better man are :
- Lack of integrity & authenticity
- Lack of Communication skills
- Inability to express own emotions
- Self entitlement
- Low self esteem with societal pressure to put on a brave face.
- Did I miss any ? Let me know in the comment section.
Being aware of them and different ways they unfold in adulthood should shape our parenting approach,conversations,attitudes and actions, ceasing every opportunity to deal mercilessly against any form of trace leading to them. In most cases the traces are ignored or overlooked, while parents passively hope that it’s a matter of time or it’s part of childhood, they will soon disappear.While the reality is in most cases they don’t disappear but they grow, and get a hold within our once innocent bundle of joy.
The unfortunate part is some of this traits are on 3D display within homes, they are modeled by parents who sometimes do not know any better because of their backgrounds, they are modeled by parents who know but assumes they are not a big deal, parents who are not aware of the long term impact of their modeling.
There is hope!
Going back to the questions outlined at the beginning.
1. Are men cursed or doomed to mediocrity, cruelty,confusion,violence,aggression.self centeredness, lies, self entitlement?
No they are not, boys are born fully innocent, open and empty, ready to be taught and filled. The input during childhood becomes the output in adulthood.
2. What can we do differently .
We can be intentional, deliberate, conscious & aware of what we model & how we model it.
‘ It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men’ Fredrick Douglass.
Change is also possible for an intentional man who get to know and acknowledge what is good and what is wrong and set his mind & being to be the best and to be different. When men start to be aware and stop being defensive and seek help,counselling and mentorship, we will be sure that we are winning in a pursuit to change the negative narrative attached to the male gender .
Your thoughts please? Are we missing something? What else needs to be done?
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