We live in a needy world, we live in a hungry world. Our world desires and craves good men. It is obvious that something need to change. The caliber of men in general, in this generation is appalling. (kudos to the few that are beacons of hope that it is possible for men and good to be mentioned in the same sentence)
The first big question is why?Are our men cursed or doomed to mediocrity, cruelty,confusion,violence,aggression.self centeredness, lies, self entitlement?
The second big question is, who raised these men?. They did not emerge from
nowhere. They were groomed and nurtured by someone.
The third big question is, what can we do differently? How can we change this narrative?
Intention is key
‘Our intentions, creates our reality’ Wayne Dyer
Nothing ever happens without clear, set out intention. This principle should also apply in parenting, more especially parenting boys. The greatest challenge facing parenting today is over scheduled and overwhelmed parents and because of these challenges most,parent without set out clear intentions.
Intention sets us in motion to take action towards an intended direction
in the absence of clear set out intentions parenting turns to be lowered to meeting very basic needs i.e Food, shelter, clothes etc.
An understanding that our boys, will not always be boys, but are growing up to form the next generation of men, should encourage us to ensure that , we raise them to be good men.
Defining good men.
I don’t think that we are asking for anything beyond the ordinary. We are not asking for perfect men, or angels. We are asking for men with basic human traits that will make sharing planet earth with the male gender a safe and pleasant abode.
Men that are gentle, loving , caring,confident,responsible, reliable, considerate, disciplined, understanding, patient, empathetic,and compassionate just to name the few.
These are some of the basics, that will quench the thirst our generation have for good men. These are the kind of fathers, brothers, uncles, partners, neighbors,leaders humanity yearns for.
Men who will heal, comfort, protect and love generously. The yearning is for selfless authentic men, who mean and do what they say. Men of unquestionable integrity.
Where do we start?
We are products of our environment & the effects of our childhood get fully played out during our adult years. I believe that the home remains the major contributor to the adult we become.
Creating a nurturing, positive environment should be one of our clear set out intention as parents.
Most traits we are currently witnessing in men in our generation can be directly linked to their home and societal environments.The unfortunate part is that no parent intentionally plan to raise a child in a toxic environment or consciously create an environment that will probably,negatively affect their children’s adulthood.But lack of intention & consciousness in creating a nurturing environment with adulthood in mind is a challenge. We turn to forget that they will not always be boys but sooner than we expect, a boy standing before us will be a man. If we don’t intentionally create a positive nurturing environment, a negative mediocre environment will set in by default.
Intentional parents have a clear picture of the man they are grooming & they consciously model those traits before him daily. They know the values they want to instill and they work at that every day. They know the beliefs that they want to deeply engrave and they deliberately align their attitudes,conversations and actions. Intentional parents equally know the beliefs that they don’t want their child to have and they are mindfully at work everyday building a man , and positioning him for the future ahead.
So the home environment should be set in such a way that it will not only enhance or meet the basic human needs, it should equally be set with intention to build the mental,emotional capacities. It should be set to encourage and enhance good communication skills. It should be a deliberate act to teach relational skills at home. There is no better place to learn and know your self-worth than home. Home is a place to learn confidence, The world outside is an exam but home is a classroom .
It takes an intentional teacher with clearly set out learning objectives to deliver on this.
Home is the right and relevant institution to learn all life skills needed for the future. Parents should be conscious and intentional about the graduates, they will raise from their different institutions.
Being aware of the current challenges.
For us to raise good men, we should know what makes a good man and equally know what makes a bad man, so that we can fully comprehend the force we are coming up against,We endeavor to change the caliber of men, not by trying to mend an already broken person but by grooming and building those that are still pliable.
The most common dark forces that brings humanity(especially women and children )to it’s knees to travail,with the yearning for good and better man are :
- Violence
- Arrogance
- Lying
- Cheating
- Lack of integrity & authenticity
- Lack of Communication skills
- Inability to express own emotions
- Self entitlement
- Low self esteem with societal pressure to put on a brave face.
- Did I miss any ? Let me know in the comment section.
Being aware of them and different ways they unfold in adulthood should shape our parenting approach,conversations,attitudes and actions, ceasing every opportunity to deal mercilessly against any form of trace leading to them. In most cases the traces are ignored or overlooked, while parents passively hope that it’s a matter of time or it’s part of childhood, they will soon disappear.While the reality is in most cases they don’t disappear but they grow, and get a hold within our once innocent bundle of joy.
The unfortunate part is some of this traits are on 3D display within homes, they are modeled by parents who sometimes do not know any better because of their backgrounds, they are modeled by parents who know but assumes they are not a big deal, parents who are not aware of the long term impact of their modeling.
There is hope!
Going back to the questions outlined at the beginning.
1. Are men cursed or doomed to mediocrity, cruelty, confusion, violence, aggression. self centeredness, lies, self entitlement?
No they are not, boys are born fully innocent, open and empty, ready to be taught and filled. The input during childhood becomes the output in adulthood.
2. What can we do differently ?
We can be intentional, deliberate, conscious & aware of what we model & how we model it.
‘ It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men’ Fredrick Douglass.
Change is also possible for an intentional man who get to know and acknowledge what is good and what is wrong and set his mind & being to be the best and to be different. When men start to be aware and stop being defensive and seek help, counselling and mentorship, we will be sure that we are winning in a pursuit to change the negative narrative attached to the male gender .
Your thoughts please? Are we missing something? What else needs to be done?
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very informative article about raising kids to become successful adults,
I very much believe that if you raise kids(both boys and girls) with strong foundation of morals and values at a young age, that they naturally grow with time into *good* and mature adults,
I also very much agree with the quote of Wayne dyer: Our intentions, creates our reality. If you as a parent don’t have any clear goals(or at least some sort of an idea) on where you want to go in life, your kids may become confused and basically without proper guidance and direction on how to experience life( though this is will be different for everyone).
This was just my take,
Thanks for the article.
Mark.
Thanks Mark.I fully agree that it has to start with the parent having clarity about the direction of his or her own life , which is simply personal leadership this will be a good base for leading the family and grooming the kids.
Hello,
This was an interesting read.
I think raising children is one of the hardest jobs we ever do.
We embark on it with very little training and most of what we do is based on our own upbringing.
I have read the Steve Biddulph books about child rearing and found them very helpful. Have you read any of them and what did you think?
Best wishes,
Cameron
Thank you Cameron for the comment. You have raised one of the very concerning aspect about ‘no parental training’.It is just so wrong that we face this sensitive task without a clue of what we are doing.
Well done on taking it upon yourself to get empowered in the area
Yes I have read, raising boys in the 21st century and actually intend to make a review on it. I absolutely recommend it
Well written post, but I would add this. Parents only have a certain amount of control over their children’s lives because they are not being correctly educated in school. They are taught to hate this country, capitalism, religious values, etc. I don’t want this to be a political debate, just another perspective where a good portion of what turns children into the people they become. Because of school, there is even more pressure on the values to teach their children, and become more engaged in exactly what they are being taught in school. I appreciate this post, it is well timed, and well placed. We need not only good boys and men, but good people in generally for this country to be a better place to live in.
Thank you Anthony , you are raising a very important point ‘ the influence of school’. The best way to mitigate this like you have mentioned is for parents to be interested and engage their kids about what is going on at school. Parents should endeavor to be the main influence in their lives of their kids. And Yes its a lot of work but it needs to be done. We should never undermine the little daily efforts we take to shape and influence they have a snowball effect.
This was a wonderful article! I myself am a single mom of a girl but I also want to not only raise her to be a responsible and loving adult, but I want her to find a loving husband as well. It is hard to model this for her since her dad does not have the best behavior. It warms my heart though that there is a parent out there who is willing to take on the responsibility of raising young men in such a dynamic way! Thank you for that!
KARA
Thank you kara. I live and breath to help moms raising boys, to intentionally raise them to be incredible men. Your daughter can only get a loving husband if some of us raising boys, raise them with a clear intention.
hi,
hope you are well?
I enjoyed the post, being a man at the tender age of 40 means I have experienced a lot and changed a lot over the years. Having a role model or loving parents can set a child up later in life with the knowledge and philosophies which have been taught over the years. Spending time and teaching child right from wrong is very important and something many parents take for granted these days, as it is work raising a child.
With so many ways for a boy to walk down the wrong path is easier than the right one, but Over time communication and reinforcement Will show the boy The right way to go. My mother always told me “manors don’t cost a thing, so be polite to everyone you meet”. To this day I still have that mentality…so thank you mum. X
What is your experience with bringing up boys and how do they compare to girls for you?
As I said great post and keep up the good work.
All the best.
it is a sad fact that it is really easy for boys to go down a wrong path, what is really sad is they walk on it for most time not being aware that is wrong because every other person around them is taking a relaxed stroll on that path, this on its own calls for parents to double their efforts in showing their kids the right path.
Boys differ with girls in many but small ways but this differences need to be considered when we raise them i.e mental and emotional development, communication skills, physical development, energy, behavioral choices to mention just a few.
Hello there – Thank you for sharing this article. I could relate to the article in a way that resonated with how I grew and how home was one of the important factors in the upbringing. In todays world, I have heard so many experiences, weather in the news or from others about challenges faced raising a child. In my opinions its important to make people aware for the facts and perhaps provide the right education for facing these challenges
Thank you JN. Our greatest challenge is lack of education or even self empowerment in this area . I have learned over the years that there is a how in doing things and yes there is also a how in raising a boy or girl child
Great post! I especially loved the quote from Fredrick Douglass. It is much easier to create a strong child than to fix a broken man.
I don’t blame today’s men for not knowing how to be men because we haven’t taught them for many years now. Plus there are so many homes with no father, these young boys don’t see what a real man is like.
Personally, I appreciate a man who is all man and who treats his woman like a queen!.
Real men are beautiful people. They are caring and kind and loving and supportive. They are also strong and secure.
Here’s to raising good boys who become great men!
Thank you Karen. That is a fact, most have not been taught, someone had been sleeping on duty it is time to wake up. The absent father challenge also worsens this situation. Lets do our part, one boy at time.
There is always a great man in every young boy but, there is a lot to be done if one is to grow their young boys into men and I think with this awesome article one would be able to secure it as its really important for one to start the process when the boys are still very young.
Thank you Ismeglamour ‘there is always a great man in every boy’ That greatness can be nurtured to blossom of it can be suffocated by the environment and die.
Thank you for sharing such an amazing article, it’s very true that our world is so cruel this days and is full of unworthy men who are brutal and ill mannered. For almost every situations, there’s always hope and there’s room for adjustment, so our men can be trained to be a better man and help better the world
Thank you Beyond col.Training is at the core of raising good men.
Hi, this was been a nice read. There are several points I agree with you and they are: our needy world, that it’s easier to raise up strong children than to repair broken men, and that education plays a key role. But I personally disagree that we’re capable of becoming good by ourselves. We always tend to evil (and we don’t like to admit it). It’s only by willfully submitting our will to God’s will that we can be good. You may not agree but I needed to share my comment with you.
Thank you Ann.I fully agree with you God should be at the center of it all. But when we talk about making planet earth a pleasant place to dwell with the male gender, we should also acknowledge that there are people with no understanding of God, but have good values that we yearn for. It is a plus when at the center of those values there is God.
What a good topic to choose to wrote on. Honestly, I totally agree with everything you have dwelled upon here in this Post. I feel like to raise a boy to become a responsible man, we should start by first being an example to our kids. With that, we can channel that energy to them as well. Also, a valid point you have is about intentions. They are really important too.
Thank you Payton. As its said kids do more of what we do than what we say. Modeling the values is the best form of training.
I love this article the fact that you see a lot of parents failing on how to raise their boys correctly is awesome I hope every parent comes through here and reads your article, Only to realize that they need to be paying attention when it comes to raising their kids.
I see this everyday at the stores where you can tell the parents are failing to raise their kids, this article really gives you ideas of what you’re doing wrong and what you’re doing right.
the only problem I had with the article is in the middle of the article where you don’t separate your paragraphs and that hurt my eyes trying to read, I would keep everything the same through out your articles.
Keep on writing and educating parents on how to raise their boys to be men we need more of these people in this world.
To Your Success,
Alberto Lazaro
Thank you Alberto. I have no choice but to keep doing this work, i owe it to the next generation.I will look at the paragraphs and adjust them accordingly.
Thank you again.
A very interesting article thank you .
Oddly enough I have been having a similar question with my Mum regarding my youngest brother and stating that she does everything for me. Unlike the rest of us he takes everything for granted but my Mum brought him up differently to the rest of us who are hard workers and grateful for everything.
I have sent my Mum this article so I really hope that it helps her and my brother.
Thank you
Hello there! this is an amazing review you have got here, I’m sure the quality information in this post will be of great help to anyone who come across as it is to me. Indeed good men are hard to find nowadays; in my opinion, I think it may be as a result of the family traits and influence because some of these men with these good attributes you have stated here still have one bad one that will corrupt the rest.
Raising both boys and girls is a very difficult and responsible job to take on. I take my hat off to parents who raise well-adjusted individuals that can go out into society and make them proud of all their actions. But this seems to be happening less and less lately. Just to raise a gentleman is a rarity nowadays, and ladies if you find one of these, hold onto him.
Thanks Michel for stopping by. Yes ‘
ladies if you find one of these, hold onto him’
Wonderful wring ausi Bogadi ,a job well done in working towards changing our generations and future generations on how a boy child need to be supported to become a good men,we can’t afford to have man that are abusive and having identity crisis .
Indeed we are longing to have loving ,caring,confident,responsible ,considerate and disciplined man.
May God bless this project 🙏🙏
Thanks Mpheiwa.When we all do our part, there will atleast be a remnant of good men.
When it comes to grooming boys into good men, I love that you mentioned intent. From what I saw growing up in my community, I think lack of time to spend with kids as parents work from early mornings till late contributes significantly to how boys figure this life stuff alone. And yes planting positive seeds at a young age will yield good results buy need to equally help parents raise these boys by creating support groups in our communities.
Thank you for stopping by Siphosethu. Lack of time is a big issue and only Intentional parenting will help in that regard. It does not have to be hours. 15 minutes of quality time no distraction will make a huge impact.
And yes Support groups, Support groups, Support groups. It takes a village to raise a child and we have to intentionally create the village.
Great article indeed, intention is really what we need to raise young responsible and caring men. Unfortunately most parents don’t have clear understanding on how to do this, thank you for sharing this information it will go a long way in helping to understand your role as a parent.
Hi Nozipho. Thank you for being here. I’m a firm believer of the fact that, there should actually be some form of compulsory training for everyone about to be a parent. And parents should further take it upon themselves to develop their parenting knowledge. It should never be left to chance.
It is always a good thing to stand tall as a parent and claim you have raised your boy very exceptionally and to be a good man. What you shared here is great in all honesty and I appreciate you here. For all you shared is quite great and I will ensure to adhere with the things you have shared here. Boomarked and saved
Thank you Nath.If you do your part and I do my part on the other side, we will be raising a better generation of men.
Hello there Bogadi, I really enjoyed reading your article ‘Raising Boys To Be Good Men’ and I think it would be particularly useful to parents so that they can learn in time the importance of raising a child that will be a much needed addition and benefit to the society and those around him or her. Thank you for sharing this remarkable article
Thank you Beesean
It takes being intentional and understanding that they will not always be boys.
Truly we all want to be parents and I have ti say at one point we gave to face the fact that they should grow to be good and responsible people in our society. For boys we have to admit how difficult they can be and so dealing with them, one has to be extra careful. I really like this article
Thank you Justin
Lets keep doing the best we can do .
I really like your blog and I think its subject is very interesting and something that many people tend to neglect.
Raising boys to be good men is very important. Our entire society will benefit from it. And I completely agree, the environment we live in plays a great role. The education we get comes not only from school and our parents but also from what we see around us. If we are among people who live disrespectfully, our kids will think that it is normal to be so.
So, we need to pay attention to or surroundings.
Thanks
Hey Adyn thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy and for engaging me in this very important subject about Raising Boys to be Good Men. The role of the parent, society and our environments cannot be overemphasized in this important subject.
Wishing you a Happy and Intentional parenting
t
This is a terrific site with some great advice for parents of boys. In today´s world it isn´t always as clear as it used to be for a boy growing up. There are so many mixed messages in society. The questions you raise at the beginning of your article are really thought provoking in a society where discipline is not the same as it was as when I was a child. I confess I see “self entitlement” as something that emanates from the sons of my new partner. It is not appealing. What can I do to change that attitude? In their 20´s is it too late? Perhaps “Creating a nurturing, positive environment” now could help. And I certainly try.
Hey Trevor thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy and for engaging me on this crucial subject about Raising Boys to be Good Men.
Thank you for your kind words I believe that boys can grow to be Incredible good men but that doesn’t happen by metamorphosis. we need to get our hands dirty and do our part.
For your boys in their 20’s it is never too late but you are going to need their full cooperation to help them. Have open quality conversations with them, read relevant books together perhaps , watch movies in line with the subject you want to address and talk about it afterwards. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you here.the saying goes that it is better to catch them young and give them the very best training so that they can grow IP while having it in their subconsciousness the reason they have to be a good person. This is honestly very good here and I value the information shared with us all. Thank you
I’ve learnt a lot by reading your article. It’s very necessary to raised our kids to be of good morals and of good characters especially in good environments. And the environment we raise our kids matters a lot because humans all in general are the product of their environment. So we need to be careful and be very picky. When we do this, we raise them to be good and responsible men.
Hey James
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy, we are in a business of raising boys to be Incredible men.
I am glad you get it that kids are the products of our environments, if we have to raise boys to be good men we should be picky of the environments we raise them in.
I agree with your thoughts on this 100%. Good men are raised in the home, not by society. A common mistake that many parents make are to wait until they see a problem to try to fix it. Children must be taught good values before they are old enough to display bad behavior. This will help them to make good choices at a point in time when some of their friends are not. Thank you for this post and I hope that many parents will take it to heart.