I’m glad you are here and deemed it fit to read on how to improve parent and child relationship.
Parent and child relationship is one of the most important relationships one can have. It is worth all the time, the efforts, the sweat, the research, the money, and the love.
Most parents if not all desire deep a connection with their kids. Unfortunately, such connection does not happen by osmosis but takes intentional daily actions.
Be fully connected to yourself.
The award-winning mistake you can do is to give up yourself, your needs, what makes you happy and fulfilled in an attempt to love your kids. Ancient scriptural wisdom says love others (this includes your kids) the way you love yourself. This means loving yourself is a standard of reference, you should use to love others.
Trying to love others without self-love is not sustainable, you will eventually reach the breaking point. The breaking point can come in many ways, you can start to resent the very kids, you can turn into a yelling machine, and you can even sink into depression. Let me echo a well-known statement ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup.
You need to be connected with yourself, be in a pleasant love, non-judgmental relationship with self to be able to connect with others and in this context your kids.
If you are in a habit of self criticism, you will most likely be critical with others. If you are not happy and have no clue on how to make yourself happy, you can’t authentically in a sustainable way make others happy.
Without self-awareness, love, and connectedness to self, a strong, connected parent-child relationship is an illusion.
Remember you’re a role model, so love yourself loudly in 3D before their eyes, until they fully comprehend what self-love is and this is the most loving thing you can do and teach them.
Be vulnerable
It takes courage to be vulnerable, but vulnerability breeds deep connection. So let your guard down, in an age-appropriate way and be vulnerable. Expose your soft side, share your needs, desires, mistakes weaknesses, your regrets, and a tear if needs be, drop the superhero musk for a change.
Once in a while give him/her the privilege of being mommy’s or daddy’s comforter and encourager. As they comfort and encourage you, respond positively. Let them believe that they picked you up, that whatever it is, or was did not take you down, that you are ready to arise, thrive, and triumph. While vulnerability is a deep connection enhancer, it is also a lesson that there are unpleasant moments in life but we do not dwell in such.
This is a lesson that daddy or mommy is as human as I am, not immune to mistakes and challenges. This will enable your kids to let their guards down, to be open and honest with you even in the worst of situations.
One other practical way to be vulnerable with kids is to be humble enough to ask for forgiveness when you are wrong. Ask for unconditional forgiveness by taking total ownership of your mistake without pinning any part of it on the child.
Give distraction-free attention
One of the deadliest pandemic of our time is distracted parenting. The majority of parents are unable to give distraction-free attention for at least 10 minutes straight. A common statement in our kid’s mouths these days is mommy or daddy please put the phone down. I have heard this statement several times in my house.
One morning we wake up and decide to do better, by spending time with all our two, three, or five kids at once. This is much better than not having time with the kids but it is less effective if we are endeavoring to improve and strengthen the relationship with each individual child.
I have nine-year-old twin girls and it is very challenging to separate them and spent time with them as individuals but I can confidently say the most fulfilling time I have spent with them is when I was able to part them for a one on one interaction with mommy.
Again like any other social interaction of more than two people, there will always be someone dominating the conversation while the other one feels unheard. I once recorded a conversation daddy had with the girls and their brother, it is very clear from that conversation the brother was never given a chance to express his thoughts and opinions, the girls were unashamedly dominating the conversation and shutting him out.
Listening to that conversation got me worried about how my son might be feeling because this might be his daily reality.
To this effect Amy McCready of Positive Parenting recommends that you have a mind, soul, and body interaction with each child for at least 20 minutes a day, the 20 minutes can be divided into two, whatever is convenient. During this time let the child call the shots, this is the time to express interest in what he is interested in. I cannot think of any better way to fill his attention cup and to deepen the parent, child connection.
Play Enhances Parent-Child Connection
Playing with the child will be greatly beneficial in building a positive parent-child relationship. Play is not just an activity but it is the child’s primary language, speak it fluently and daily and you will never have to worry about your child drifting away, or not knowing how to reach out to him.
Because play is their native space, it is the best place to frequently visit to know your child better. When they are in that space they let their guards down, there is no room for pretense. If you pay attention you will pick his weaknesses, strengths, social interaction skills, use of language, etc. You will know what you need to enhance and what you need to discourage.
In actual fact, play affords you an opportunity to contribute to what forms them, their perception their language their gross motor skills their creativity, emotional regulation, and more. Within this space you are not a parent, you are a buddy, be a good one.
An important fact to remember is that you are entering into their world, they are the host and they call the shots. Allow the play to be as unstructured as possible, let go of the need to control, this will enhance the fun and the connection.
Improve Parent Child Relationship with Shared Hobbies
There is no better time to consider shared hobbies with our kids than during this Covid 19 lockdowns. Shared hobbies have been used by many as a bonding tool in romantic relationships and this magic can be extended to parent and child relationships.
Shared hobbies do not only enhance the bond, but they also affirm the child, it builds his self-esteem, makes him feel heard and considered. It is just heaven on earth for a child to see their parent having a blast while spending time with them. When they realize that time spent with them is not a chore for a parent but a joyful time it makes them feel significant.
I still can remember how elated my son was when I asked him to teach me Roblox, his smile was everything. He just didn’t expect me to be interested and truly I had to fake the interest in this one until I really become interested.
It always works best if you tap into what they are already interested in, you can also invite them to your child-friendly hobbies, or together you can explore new hobbies. The options are endless i.e. painting, gaming, movies, sports, crafts, yoga, singing, writing, cooking, baking, photography drawing, and more.
Keep your promises
Strong relationships are based on trust. Trust is usually taken seriously in all other relationships than in a parent and child relationship. The best way to build trust with our kids is to keep the promises we make and to teach them to keep their promises.
If your goal is to build a strong safe, secure and respectful relationship with your child keeping your promises is not an option. If you watch the video below I promise, you will never break any promise to your kids again.
Use the magic relationship ratio: 5 is to 1
This simply means there must be five or more positive interactions for one negative interaction. It means that as a parent you have to choose your battles, you cannot fight over any and everything thing, fight over what matters and be intentional about creating plenty of positive interactions.
Remember that little things matter, you don’t have to break the bank or be stuck on what to do as you intend to create positive interactions. Simply things like an affectionate hug, a little unexpected service, joining them during their playtime, listening to them with interest, and valuing their opinion will go a long way. For more insight on this check Magic relationship ratio according to science.
Be generous with affection
After their summer holiday visit to granny’s place, I asked my kids what is one thing that they missed about being home and they said without a doubt the cuddles.
If that is not enough to convince you, keep reading. A very popular and respected celebrity by the name of Shona Ferguson just passed away in South Africa. In their tribute to their father, the daughters raved about their father’s spectacular hugs.
The wife Constance Ferguson said ‘Nobody hugged like my husband’
The employees added that they will miss Shona’s warm hugs. Of the many things Mr. Ferguson was many remembered the impact of his hugs, which made them feel like the most important person on planet earth.
Studies indicate that kids who were nurtured by affectionate parents turn to be happier and less anxious adults.
Final Thoughts on How to Improve Parent Child Relationship
A healthy and strong parent and child relationship is worth a sacrifice. It speaks directly to an adult this child will become, to the father or mother s/he is becoming. It speaks to the kind and quality of citizens the nation will have. The truth and fact is most of the adult related challenges and problems can be solved by a healthy and strong parent and child relationship.
Make it your daily mission to improve your relationship with your kids.
Thank you for reading and keep being curious.
For more related articles read :
I recall not all that long ago watching a poor young girl trying desperately to get her mother’s attention while in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. The mother not once took her eyes off her cellular phone as she was clearly more interested in it than her own daughter.
The heartbreaking moment was the girl, speaking in a defeated tone of voice, asks her mom, “Why don’t you love me as much as your phone?”
I, along with others in the room, all shared that punch to our own hearts when we saw that girl look crushed that her mother was unwilling to pay any attention to her. I really wanted to give that woman a piece of my mind, but already seeing how the annoyed look in her eyes was, I knew it’d only make matters worse.
So many times I see parents and children not connecting because they become too distracted with matters they think are more worthy of their attention. There’s no communication, nor any meaningful interaction that contributes towards what makes a family strong! And this is unfortunate as we see, more than ever now, families not at all being what they used to be!
We live in a world that’s overloaded with distractions! Instead of catering to those distractions, families need to shut the world out and focus strictly on each other. This is the only way one can truly connect with themselves, and with those whom they love most.
Hello Millie
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy and sharing that story.
That is the reality of most kids in our times.
Families should really strive and be intentional about building strong Parent and child relationships.
Bogadi, These are amazing tips that you just shared on how to create a strong and secure relationship with a child. SO many children don’t get to experience this affectionate relationship because parents are trained to decline from their parents. It’s refreshing to see awareness being raised that breaks free from the traditional methods to parent and children relationships.
Parenthood requires a lot of work and therefore we must do all that we can to build relationships with our children. Creating a bond with them is so important because children need to feel love and like they have our support. When we have this kind of relationship they will open up to us especially when they are going through issues we will be like a safe haven for them. Thanks so much for sharing. This is helpful information that will help parents.
Interesting article, I would of thought that parent child bonding would become stronger during the plandemic. I guess it makes sense with the cell phone and always being on the phone. We do it to our family and friends never being in the moment with our loved one’s because we always have a phone in our hand or up to our ears.
The self care is really important, when I was in the military our senior ranks always said if you can’t take care of you who will?!
Great article, it makes you think about others as well.
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy
Let us drop the phones and enjoy our families and kids.
Your first advice hits right on the target. One should not give up on his happiness and pretend that she or he will use this time to love the kids. Children need to see examples if what happiness in the adult life looks like. This is how you prepare them for the future.
playing and sharing a passion are indeed great ways to connect with your children. What a great article. Loved it.
Thank you for stopping by the Incredible boy and engaging us on how to strengthen the parent and child relationship.
I am enjoying the topic about raising boys and “hope for hurting parents”, as I am a single parent myself. I can definitely relate to this niche. This is a unique niche, it has to reach a lot of parents out there. Is there a way you can put your course where people can know you are offering more than just apparel? overall its great!
Thank you Katt for stopping by The Incredible Boy
I am in the process of creating that course and it will soon be up.
Hi Bogadi,
Many, many parents were never prepared to be parents and most just go by the seat of their pants when interacting with their kids. Fathers, especially, feel they can show no weaknesses and must constantly display that they are the pack leader in the house. It’s sad to see kids look at their parents as mainly disciplinary figures only. I really like the shared hobbies and interests part of your article. Children are constantly watching us and they want to be involved. I remember my son holding a little toy hammer while I was building something. You could tell he really wanted to be involved. The more shared the interest, the better the communication and sometimes it becomes peer to peer as the child gets older. Thanks again.
Thank you for stopping by The Incredible Boy Warren.
I am glad to witness your awareness of this subject as a father.
Open, Vulnerable communication between parents and kids is vital.
You make a lot of important points in bringing up kids and especially boys. This brings back memories of when my wife and I were bringing up our only child – a boy we had adopted because we couldn’t have natural children of our own.
Our son is 33 now and has a family of his own. I can remember like it was yesterday when he was little and all the time I devoted to him. In our family dynamics, my wife was the disciplinarian and I was the giver. This turned out to be a real problem because our son took advantage of my good nature. He does to this day. I am considered his problem solver, This goes back to when he was a child. I should have handled things differently.
If I had to do this all over again, what would you suggest I do differently for a balanced outcome?
Thanks.
Edwin
More parents need to listen to this type of advice when it comes to dealing with their children. This post shows how important it is for parents to spend time with their children, listen to their children, and to give their children a lovng home. Many people suffer from anxiety as adults because they didn’t have caring parents.
Distraction-free attention is huge and I’m so glad you mentioned this, as it is becoming all to common for parents and kids to be plugged in to their phones and tablets all the time. When I was raising my kids (now almost 20 and 22), I always made sure we have game time and planned other weekly outings together where we didn’t connect to anything but each other. Today, as a result of that, they still want to play board games and go on vacations with their mom. It’s so worth it to invest time and attention into your kids!
There were several important takeaways from this post. But the most important one for me is that e have to choose our battles. Our children should see us cheerful most of the time. And every once in a while we will have to say no or go serious. But that’s not the norm. We laugh and play. That should be the norm.
There were several important takeaways from this post. But the most important one for me is that e have to choose our battles. Our children should see us cheerful most of the time. And every once in a while we will have to say no or go serious. But that’s not the norm. We laugh and play. That should be the norm.
It is very important to give your child undivided attention. I see so many parents looking at their phones and not taking any notice of their child needs this is a very frustrating thing for the child and then the parent wonders why they then become naughty and disruptive. If only they gave them some quality time they would have a much better relationship and they would all be much happier. Children need to be led by example and many parents these days need a lesson in how to do that.
I will refer this article to my cousin. He recently became a parent and I am sure that he is looking for ways to bond with his kid. It is important to have a relationship with your child so a lot of people will want to read this article. I will be sure to come back to this the day I have kids.
I will refer this article to my cousin. He recently became a parent and I am sure that he is looking for ways to bond with his kid. It is important to have a relationship with your child so a lot of people will want to read this article. I will be sure to come back to this the day I have kids.